Today, right before church, I went to my car to find it was parked horribly lopsided. It was still between the lines but at a 45 degree diagonal stretching from the hood to the trunk. Immediately, I began berating myself for being such a sloppy driver. I even wondered if I had somehow tried to park the car while drinking, which wasn’t the case.
Then I remembered that the day before, I found a parking space but a large SUV had its wheel over the line. So to compensate, I did my best with the small space that remained. At the time, I felt I did quite a good job of it considering the circumstances. But now, with the offending SUV long gone, there was no visible proof of such. To any passerby who saw my car, it must have looked like the driver was either rushed, extremely inconsiderate, or perhaps even mentally challenged.
Scripture warns us not to judge. But here I was judging myself. Only when I remembered the whole backstory did any of it make sense. But the fact is that we are apt to judge others, often without knowing the whole backstory.
I’ve been guilty of this many times. In one instance, I became furious with my neighbors who were letting the building gate slam. I live directly above the gate, and I was enraged at the constant banging which kept me from sleeping or working within the apartment.
Furious, I decided I would confront my inconsiderate neighbors who were causing all this noise. I pictured the culprits in all their scum and villainy. It had to be those evil millennials and young generation Zs—them people with no manners and no regard for anyone but themselves. Indeed, my rage was on a roll! They certainly deserved my wrath!
But when I watched what was happening for real, I saw something entirely different. The gate would slam only when it was half opened and it had no time for the spring to help it decelerate. And the evil transgressors worthy of certain death…these were most often the young mothers with small kids, a dog and their arms stuffed with groceries. Or it was a package delivery guy, their arms full and with a cart of boxes trailing behind them.
These were the people with so much baggage that they could only open the gate just enough for them to get by.
This was a real eye opener for me. The people I thought were worthless were just struggling to cope with their extra baggage. In this case, literally!
Hurt People Hurt People
We all have extra baggage. We all have inner pain. Some of us more than others. And it doesn’t end there. Some people live their lives day to day in chronic pain, or with hidden shameful addictions…all of which affect how they relate to others. We can see their outward responses. But we may never know their secret struggles.
And like with the parking example, we sometimes park crookedly because someone long ago had crossed over the line with us. And so, in our pain we too may cross over the line with others. We then hurt as we’ve been hurt, and in turn, those we hurt then continue the cycle with others who they hurt, ad infinitum.
Judgment tries to condemn this. But only forgiveness will break the cycle.
I’ll never forget how in the Christian movie The Shack, Mack experiences a powerful vision in which he confronts the trauma caused by his physically abusive alcoholic father. During this vision, Mack sees a small child tied to a chair. The child is being whipped and he cries, begging it to stop. But the whipping mercilessly continues.
Mack is then asked if he wants to see the child punished more. When Mack vehemently says no, it is revealed to him that the child is actually his own father, who as a kid was frequently abused at the hands of his own dad. Suddenly Mack began to understand the cycle of pain and brokenness. And it allowed him to open his heart to the possibility of compassion and forgiveness for those who had wronged him.
This is why Scripture says judge not lest you be judged. Condemn not lest you be condemned. Jesus can judge because He alone knows the whole story about each and every one of us. But we know almost nothing about why others do what they do. Even when we think we have all the facts, we simply don’t.
So unlike Jesus, we are not fit to judge others. We are called to assess. We are called to discern and to protect ourselves and others when necessary. But we are not called to condemn. Rather, Jesus commands us to break the cycle of hurt on hurt. This is why He tells us to forgive our enemies. And to pray for them.
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