If you’re a Christian stuck in pornography, you are far from alone. I was addicted to porn for two decades. In 2017, the Lord miraculously set me free. But it was all in His timing, all by His power and all for His glory. I claim no special technique, because it wasn’t about me. He simply broke my laptop, and a few weeks later, the irresistible impulses were gone.
I suffered a long time. I sinned greatly. And I claim no special badge of victimhood. At first, I had lots of shame, but later, I had less shame because I saw something beyond my sin. Over time, I saw how even in my decrepitude and numerous failings, the Lord was still conforming me into His image. Once again, the Lord was writing straight with crooked lines! And through this hardship, I learned what it truly means to base my worth on Jesus.
During this time, the Lord used this addiction to give me more mercy and more love for others. He also gave me a humility to depend on him. Something I never would have learned by strolling down easy street!
We all want success. We all want to walk a straight comfortable line where things just fall into place. But this desire does not align with Scripture. Scripture holds dependence above accomplishment. Jesus Himself told us that apart from Him, we can do nothing. But even the great Apostle Paul didn’t believe Him! And so, in His abundant love, Jesus brought Paul a wisdom that came only through a thorn in his flesh, a thorn that Paul himself could never remove.
Paul’s Thorn and Why It Was There
Paul was given an extraordinary revelation. He had been caught up into paradise and he had heard and seen things too sacred to be put into words, things that a person is not permitted to speak of. So, in order to keep Paul from being conceited based on what he saw, the Lord allowed a messenger of Satan to plant a thorn in his flesh. Three times Paul begged the Lord to remove it, but God said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
We may never know what Paul’s thorn was. Nor does it really matter. But we know that in spite of Paul’s pleading, the Lord refused to remove it. Yes, God could have removed the thorn at any time. (And it’s possible that at some point He eventually did.) But our Lord cared more for His Glory and for Paul’s spiritual well-being than for Paul’s immediate comfort.
But I’m Not As Holy As Paul and I Had No Surpassing Revelation: So Why Am I Still Stuck in Porn Unless It’s My Own Stupid Fault?
This is the wrong question. The why is never about you. It’s always about Jesus. The devil’s goal is for you to navel gaze on your sin. He delights when you lament, and anguish and say WHY ME? WHY ME? He also loves it when you isolate yourself, lie about your secret, and get so embroiled in yourself that you avoid God’s two greatest commandments.
Yes, in the midst of all our thorns we are still called to love God and love people. Paul was commanded to do this in spite of his thorn. And so are you. Anything else, is just more about you, yourself and your problems. And as God said to Paul, He says to us all: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
God has a plan here. He will send you His mercy and His comfort, so that because of these struggles we now have the power to comfort others, just as God has comforted us. There are a lot of spiritual happenings at work here. It goes far beyond just you.
Your Value Is Not Defined by Your Sins
We all have thorns in our sides. In this way pornography is no different. The Lord uses these things to draw us into seeking His presence and His power. Amidst our troubles, we are still to depend on Him as The Way, The Truth and The Life. Porn is no exception.
Sometimes, Jesus will allow the thorn to persist. Sometimes, He will take it away. But even then, in His mercy, He may yet give us another thorn!
The question is: What if Jesus never takes away your thorn? Does this mean you’re defective? Does this mean you have no value?
Take the example of the $100 bill in the photo above. Suppose you found it crumpled on the ground? Would you still be willing to use it? Would you expect its value to change based on it being clean or muddy, wet or dry? The fact is that this $100 bill has the same exact value regardless of what you think of it. Ugly or pretty, crisp or crumpled, its value always remains constant—it’s worth has already been predetermined by a higher authority.
You are worth more than an infinite number of hundred dollar bills. You were bought at a price. You were redeemed in full. Like the $100 bill, your value is not diminished by you being crumpled or muddied. It was fixed before the creation of the world. It was set in stone by Jesus Christ.
So What Does This Mean for Me Now?
This is not about ignoring good advice. There is nothing wrong with seeking counseling, accountability, and being aware of trigger points, such as when you’re hungry, angry lonely or tired. But don’t be afraid when you fail. For more likely than not you will fail! This too is OK.
The church often talks about our mountain top successes. So rarely do we get guidance on how to live with our failure. This encourages a deep shame for it means we’re never given a game plan for dealing with failure. It also overlooks that God is working through us, sometimes even because of our failures.
Remember, you can’t do this on your own. Would you be ashamed if someone asked you to lift a 2 ton car and you couldn’t? But what about if you were instead asked to lift a 30 pound ball and you couldn’t? Can you see that your shame here comes because on some level, you actually believe it’s your own ability that can set yourself free? But the truth is that you can’t. If you could, you would have done so long ago!
What To Do When You Fail
- Repent to Jesus immediately after every act. Keep a short account even if it means repenting often. Ask Jesus to free you just as Paul did. But don’t sin further by beating yourself up or navel gazing. Just like Paul, you need to get over yourself and trust that Jesus has got this! Abide in Jesus even when you feel unclean. For it is He who made you clean. It is He who restores your soul.
- Start praising Jesus for who He is, what He has done in your life and in the lives of others, what He has done throughout history, and what He is doing in the world now. Do this immediately after you repent. Don’t wait until you feel better. God inhabits the praises of His people, so start praising Him right now! For more on how to Praise Him, See Embracing the Personhood of God.
- Stop treating this as the worst of sins. Rest in His righteousness not your own! Ask Jesus how to delight in Him and love others. OK, you’re a crumpled $100 bill. Act like it! Boldly go before the throne and commune with our God! He gave you His value. He gave you His commands. Trust Him. He is at work in the midst of this. Without faith it is impossible to please God. Show faith where you have it! Let Jesus take care of all the rest! Remember: He’s got this!
- Do not despair that it’s taking too long to be free. God’s perfect timing is not based on the world’s economy. If it were, the Hebrews would have reached Egypt in 2-3 weeks not 40 years. Your job is to press into Him and to abide in Him in spite of your circumstances. Love Him. Confess to Him. Praise Him. Wash, rinse and repeat!
Good Christian Songs
- Run To The Father (Cody Carnes)
- His Mercy Is More (Shane & Shane)
- I Turn It To Praise! (Seph Schlueter)
- Who I Am (Ben Fuller)
- Sing of Your Love (Elevation Rhythm)
Other Christian SOS Topics