We all suffer from disappointment. It could be you didn’t get the promotion you wanted. Or perhaps you didn’t lose the weight you wanted, or maybe it’s even that you’re not living in the house or the neighborhood you wanted.
But often our disappointments are more about our relationships than any one-time event. Perhaps you longed for a good marriage but you and your spouse are always fighting. Or maybe you wanted to be close to your children but they and they spouses want little to do with you.
In my case, I dreamed of experiencing life — people, places, and adventures — with a loving wife by my side. But now, after nearly six decades of living, I find myself single, mostly alone, and tucked away in a small apartment, spending way too many hours watching YouTube videos…but longing to go out more often — if only I had a wife to go with me.
Whether we admit it or not, there’s a part in each of us that feels God has either broken a promise to us, or that He’s somehow let us down from living the abundant life. And so, we find excuses which in own our minds, allow us to live small and guarded lives…as if God must fulfill our dreams first, and until He does so, we’ll just sit out life and wait. This happens more with some than with others. But I believe it’s much more common than we would ever like to admit.
Yesterday, I found myself with this small self pitying mindset. But even then the Lord came to my rescue.
The story below is about a battle we all face with our disappointments. And how we must learn to listen to the Lord’s gentle instruction even as we fight against our own self pity. The harsh words we hear are not the truth. Often it’s just the words of the Devil or our own self-condemnation. But it is the gentle voice of the Lord we must always listen to. Anything else is disobedience.
The Hike in Dahlonega That Wasn’t
I live in Roswell, GA, but yesterday it was time to explore the hinterlands. So I bravely set forth on the 55 mile journey to meet up with a Christian hiking group in Dahlonega. The plan was for all of us to rendezvous at Yahoola Creek Dam & Reservoir and then hike for several miles around it. I was excited to print out the directions, plug it into my GPS and to begin my great adventure away from the city.
However, it didn’t turn out the way I expected. First, I got lost a bit, went west instead of east, and then actually passed the site and had to retrace my steps. But in the nick of time, I arrived at the tiny parking lot which faced the reservoir. To my surprise, nobody from the group was there. Just a bunch of empty cars and two amiable ducks who were keeping each other company. So I called the group leader to discover they’re 20 minutes away in Dawsonville. Earlier they had changed venues because there was no way such a large group would be able to find a parking space. So there went my hike! There went another chance for me to meet new people.
The Choice: Be A Victim or Listen To The Lord
At this point I was filled with monumental self pity. Here before me was a beautiful reservoir and a hiking trail next to it. Why couldn’t I just go and do the hike alone? But I knew the answer. Unlike many others who are independent adventurers, I was not built to enjoy these things alone. And so my own harsh thoughts began to condemn me.
YEAH THAT’S THE RIGHT SOLUTION, BUT I AM TOO LONELY, TOO BELEAGUERED BY AN ONSLAUGHT OF OTHER THOUGHTS, TOO WIMPY TO DO ANY OF THIS STUFF WITHOUT BEING WITH OTHER PEOPLE. OH THE HUMANITY! O, I WISH I WASN’T SO SMALL IN THIS, BUT ITS JUST HOW I AM… WOE, IF ONLY I HAD A LIFE COMPANION SO I WOULDN’T BE IN THIS SITUATION AND COULD ENJOY IT WITHOUT ALL THIS WHINING!
As I looked at the beautiful water and trees, my self-pity party became a self-pity festival. “Oh, why was my life so two dimensional? Why am I so horribly flawed? Woes me, woes me! Best I go home now!”
Just then, I heard a gentle voice in my head: “Graham do you see that the reservoir is very close by? Do you see that you can simply walk right through the rocks to it?” “Yes”, I respond, “but what’s the use? What does it matter? I’m slated to never live the life I want because I have no desire to do these things while I am alone.”
The voice seemingly ignored me and then said, “Why not do it anyway? You don’t need to hike the 2 mile trail. But why not just get up on the rocks and then bend down to touch the water?”
I knew this was the Lord. The voice was not a voice of condemnation. It was a voice of loving encouragement. Unlike my own thought voice, it didn’t demand that I berate myself. It just pointed me into an action plan that felt light and good.
So with what little I had, I obeyed. I walked down the hill and through the rocks. And from there, I bent down to briefly touch the waters. And it was good.
I can’t explain all the reasons why. But it was like a battle that had just been won. I had accomplished something big here. And Jesus was pleased with me. This was a spiritual battle. And the tide was turning.
On the way back home, again ready to hide in the comforts of my routine, I passed by the outlet stores in Dawsonville. Once again, I heard a gentle voice in my head say “Why not pull up into the parking lot of the food court and get out of the car.” I was getting hungry and this sounded like a good idea. But I really just wanted to get back home. I had had enough excitement for the day (getting lost, going so far from home, and then missing the hike anyway).
But again I was obedient. I did as directed and started walking around. Normally, I don’t usually enjoy walking alone. But this time I did. I went to several stores in the outlet and looked at a lot of toys, weird clothing and even furniture. I then went back to Roswell and called it a day.
My Takeaways from Yesterday’s Adventure:
- The “little battles” are sometimes really the big battles.
- God does not despise the small steps we take to obey His voice.
- God’s voice will encourage and direct us, while our own thought voice is the one that condemns and discourages us-learn to know the difference.
- Obey God’s voice even in the trivial. He delights in you and will grow you as you delight in Him.